I have been a day boarder, Lord. I have preferred
the table to the Bed.
I have proffered, Lord, and I have profited,
Lord, but little, but not. I was Bored,
Lord, I was heavy, Lord. Heavy bored.
Hopeless, Lord, hideous, Lord. Sexless.
I was in love, Lord, but not with You.
The nine malic moulds, Lord.
The butcher, the baker, the under-taker.
Lord, I was taken under. I Repeat
Myself, Lord. I re-peat myself as the way back,
the way back to Myself,
Lord. I have trembled, Lord. His face,
Lord, and Yours. I am unlovely, Lord, I am
Not precious, Lord. Spy better, Love, and You will see:
I am nothing. I have Seen
How lovely, Lord, how lovely You are, Lord,
but I refused to kneel. I Refuse
To knell Your loveliness. I refuse to kiss.
And I refuse to tell. I am unwilling, Love.
I am unwell. Unkempt. My hideous loins, Love.
My body, which is all Wrack
And screw, Love. All slack and crewel.
At Your beck and call, Love, at His Beck
And call. Crestfallen, Love. Of the fallen breast.
Un-clean of eye. Loose of Thigh.
Ridiculous, Love. Most serious, Love. Unshod. Unshriven.
In vain and in Rain,
Love. I live and I Wire. I Wive, Lord, but I Fathom Not.From: Ploughshares More: Olena Kalytiak Davis